A VISIT TO DYE FOR

A few months ago I invited my sister to spend Thanksgiving with us. Now I'm scared to death that she might accept our offer. Recently I received an e-mail with the subject line: RE VISIT. I gasped when I opened up the attachment. It was two pages long and full of very strong language.

Phrases like poisonous phthalates, toxic chemicals, hazardous to humans, fish-killing perfume-poison, pesticide residues, harmful fumes, and neurological poison were strewn throughout the document. Yes, I said document. This isn't your typical RSVP. But then again, my sister isn't your typical house guest.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? I'm a little nervous about my sister's upcoming Thanksgiving visit. (photo taken 1999)

Rebecca suffers from Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, or MCS. She has become increasingly handicapped with this condition. She struggles daily to keep herself in an environment devoid of common man-made products or, in her words, "poisons."

According to my sister, even unscented products are subject to scrutiny. She claims that St. Ives fragrance-free lotion probably contains a scent-blocker, or a perfume ingredient to drown out scents. Her explanation: "kind of like putting a blindfold on someone so they won't see how messy the room is."

Rebecca is going through some tough times. Not only is she single, homeless, and without the ability to provide for herself, but she has virtually no contact with her daughter or son. A resident of Alaska, she has balked at traveling to the "lower forty-eight" in recent years, believing that chemicals used in airplanes will seriously compromise her already weakened immune system. I've been encouraging her to try and step out of her comfort zone and take another look at some life options. Our eighty-year- old mother is recently widowed and lonely in her beachfront condo. She must pay someone for basic household services. This is a situation where mother and daughter could benefit by living together or near to each other. My brother and I have both offered to build small guest homes on our respective properties, and essentially take care of our sister for the rest of her life. But she is adamant that only Alaska provides the combination of clean air and sparse population critical to her survival.

Rebecca claims dryer sheets or fabric softeners irritate lungs, eyes, and skin. They use a petroleum-based oil to soften clothes. Breathing the fumes is called huffing. Everyone should switch to dryer balls. The best news is, they are cheap and last at least two years.

When I invited my sister for Thanksgiving, I was hoping that she could benefit not only from our mild Arizona temperatures, but also from the warmth of our extended family gathering. I didn't want her to spend another holiday alone. Initially she sent me a few tentative e-mails: What are the average high and low temperatures in your community in November? Is there room in your home? Would I extend an invitation to our mother? These were easy questions to answer. I'm just not sure how to deal with her latest communication. Rebecca's e-mail was an explicit list, detailing acceptable products that she can "use and that those with MCS can usually be around." Of course, she couldn't resist a healthy dose of unsolicited advice and name-dropping:

I know Mensa members who refuse to have [bleach] in their homes, as it's so very dangerous in the event of an earthquake or fire.

Dr. DeMain says Tide---even Tide Free--- has formaldehyde, which is an eye, lung, skin irritant, also a poison.

To keep drains free of clogs, put a little Rid-X, powder version only, down each drain about once a week just before bedtime.

A packet of black Rit dye is $2 or less, and good for an entire big wash load of clothing that has faded. The Soap and Detergent Assn. says it's best to just turn your darks inside out to keep colors bright by reducing abrasion and pilling.

Rebecca calls Black Woolite a "vicious product...loaded with fish-killing chemical perfume-poison."

While I discovered some interesting household tips in her letter, learning that I can renew faded jeans with black dye does nothing to prepare me for my sister being a house guest. I know this visit is going to require more than just leaving the light on and hiding a key under the mat.

The owners of Rebecca's last apartment went all-out to accommodate her MCS. The walls were repainted without the use of Volatile Organic Compounds (VOC). Carpet, flooring, tile and windows were all replaced. They even moved her upstairs to a corner unit so she could have the cross-breeze that she requested.

Several years ago she brought a law-suit against the owners of her apartment complex. She insisted that the residents stop using items such as dryer sheets and scented candles. She even demanded that the outside grounds and parking lots be off-limit to smokers. In a letter to the apartment manager, she complained that "at any particular time, one or more neighbors smoke in or near this building; there is no respite. Smoke travels throughout a building, emerging from electrical outlets or light fixtures, as well as hallways and under doors. Whether or not I smell it, my body registers it. I need your help. I am handicapped and need clean air in order to live, to avoid death or further disability. I ask for that accommodation---now."

I need to come up with my own practical accommodation for my sister this Thanksgiving. Knowing what I know about her, I'm worried that I don't have the ability to meet her stringent environmental criteria. And how much do I inconvenience the other house guests? I will have daughters, their husbands, my in-laws, and several babies visiting our house at the same time. I definitely need help thinking outside the VOC! (Sorry, I just could not resist that...)


copyright 2008 by Kathleen Stewart Goodrich

YOU DON'T TUG ON SUPERMAN'S CAPE

When I woke up this morning and automatically turned on my radio, the first headline tease line I heard was: "Hockey Mom Ices Democrats." Of course I knew what it meant. I've been hooked on politics since I was eight years old. My family didn't own a television set in 1960, but I convinced our next-door neighbors to let me sit in their living room and watch live coverage of Jack Kennedy accepting his party's nomination. Eventually all the adults trailed off to bed, but I refused to leave that lumpy couch and go home until the station went off the air.

Last night as I watched yet another national convention, it didn't seem like I stayed up quite as late as that night forty-eight years ago. The images on the television were in living color and easy on the eyes. As I lounged comfortably in my family room, I felt like I was part of the energetic crowd as their thunderous applause surrounded me. One of the great opening lines last night, as Sarah Palin accepted her party's nomination for Vice President, was actually an ad-lib:

"You know what the difference is between a pit bull and a hockey mom?" (pause) "Lipstick."

A lot of things came to my mind when she was speaking, but the words of an old Jim Croce song sum it up best:

You don't tug on Superman's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger
And you don't mess around with Jim

Apparently, others are also impressed with her tenacity. Here are some quotes I culled off the web this morning from various media sources that likened Governor Sarah Palin to some strong personalities:

"It is the age of Sara Palin, the Wonder Woman..." ( the Scotsman)

"The great leaders sometimes come from the countryside, from the most remote spots. Remember Joan of Arc! Sarah could be our modern Joan of Arc." (U.S. army veteran Bill Coll, Le Point.)

"Thrilla From Wasilla" (Townhall.com reader comment)

I've participated vicariously in many conventions beginning with my childhood days of sitting in a dark room, watching a flickering black and white television screen. But this election is different. I love how last night Sarah Palin said, "If we win," not the presumptuous "when we win." It was a refreshingly honest sentiment, one I've never heard voiced in a political speech. I'm enough of a realist to know that anything can happen in politics. But last night I heard someone say all the things I've been yelling at my television and radio for months. I'm not going to mess around with Sarah Palin. I'm going to vote for her.

YOU SHOULD GROW LIKE AN ONION---WITH YOUR HEAD IN THE GROUND!

My daughter Kelley phoned the other day to break the news that "Palin's daughter is pregnant!" I had so much trouble understanding her that I actually thought she said, "Have you heard Caitlin, your daughter, is pregnant?" I was so relieved to learn that it wasn't my daughter who was pregnant that I wasn't even irritated that this was the third day in a row that Kelley had found something with the McCain/Palin ticket to gloat about. However, after reading her blog this morning, I realize that my daughter needs to get back to her roots as far as insults go.

Sarah Palin's appearance on the cover of VOGUE seems to reinforce the slogan: Alaska: Coldest State, Hottest Governor. (She should suffer in the midst of pleasure!)

Just a few days into the vice presidential nomination, and pathetic Sarah has already made Kelley's dreaded "fashion-crime" hit list. She was spotted at a grocery store in Wasilla dressed in a native-inspired outfit only someone in Alaska would wear. Even worse---she wears (gasp) glasses! Kelley is convinced that this is just a gimmick on the part of the governor to fool the public into thinking that she isn't a "ditz."

Come on, Kelley. Ditz? You can do better than that! Don't you know that if you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish? It's so much more colorful and creative! What other language gives you an endless number of ways to tell someone to drop dead? Let me give you an example of a REAL curse: Let what I wish on her come true (most, even half, even just 10%). Or how about: She should be transformed into a chandelier, to hang by day and to burn by night.

Governor Sarah Palin should continue to be kvetch-worthy for a long time. Surely someone in the family has ripped a tag off a mattress, or put a glass bottle in an aluminum recycling bin. (My enemies should be as ugly as she is beautiful!)

Kelley, the way this election is going, you are going to need all the put-downs you can accumulate. I recommend spending time with the language of your great-grandparents. When it comes to insulting someone who really needs it, like the shlemazl Sarah Palin, may you never be at a loss of words again. And should you ever feel the desire to pay me back for my helpful advice, don't do me any favors!